Deceleration trauma

Last night I came this close to just packing it in and doing something else. I had played another amazing show at “The Lost Continent”, and was feeling quite good about myself. How good? Bordering on megalomania. I felt unstoppable and nothing is quite as disheartening as feeling unstoppable and being… well, stopped.

I was booked to play a show behind some fellow that had drawn quite a crowd. He was “Okay”, and as is often the case his popularly was not reflective of his talent. I was figuring on exposing the mob to my music and they would surely be impressed and follow me to the ends of the earth.

That didn’t happen. I kicked into my first song, and I was “ON FIRE”. When I looked up at the end of my first song, just about everybody was gone. Two staff member and two people who were probably IM-ing each other were all that remained.

Deceleration trauma means, it’s not the fall that kills you, it’s the sudden stop at the end. I went from the top of the world to the bottom in an instant, and looking out at that empty Sim made me feel horrible. Instantaneous depression. I wanted very much to just log off and say fuck it, but I did stick around until the next act showed up. Just stopped in the middle of a song, said good night and vanished. While that might not seem “Professional”, it was the best I could do at the time.

What happened between the packed set at “The Lost Continent” and any time before the end of the first song at “The Unnamed venue” (I don’t hold the venue in any way responsible for this debacle, so I’ll not name it and seem as if I am)? Well, the quality of the music had not changed. But the quality of the crowd had. The Unnamed venue tends to host very popular acts, and that is why people come there. They don’t come to hang out at the venue, they come to see their favorite act and that is it. That seems to me the most likely reason for their instant departure. They had somebody else they wanted to see, rather then give me a chance.

I’m just not designed to be a popular act, so playing further shows at “The Unnamed Venue” is a waste of both of our time. I work my ass off in an attempt to get my music in front of that one person that will understand it and embrace it. I don’t play covers and most popular acts are simple lounge singers. I attempt to do something significant and most people hate that. I’m not entertainment, but I drift rather close to the profound at times.

So what do I do now? The same thing I always do, work hard, and do the best I can. Try to find the people that will love my music almost as much as I do. Wisdom is not the absence of mistakes, but rather learning from them.

One footnote. Something really did get me pissed off last night. After I left the venue the “Popular Rock Star type” that played after me informed the venue owner he wanted to talk to me. Fuck you Mr. Popular Rock Star type. Mind your own fucking business. To assume you can give me advice, counsel or even correction, you have to understand what the hell I’m trying to accomplish, and I’m quite sure you don’t understand jack shit.