The emotional mirror

I get the feeling I’m walking in sand, uphill, against with wind with an angry midget on my back.

Of course that is just a “FEELING”. Feelings should not be ignored completely, but I try to remember they are not based on facts. Just because you feel bad does not mean you are doing badly. Conversely just because you are feeling great doesn’t mean you are on top of the world.

All things considered I would rather feel good, but it seems you don’t get a choice. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, or more to the point me. When tragic events seem to dog your every step you start to read different futures in the tealeaves.

Attendance at the shows seems to be very low. It’s easy to count five people and you really notice when one leaves (that is 20% of the audience). I’m really starting to wonder if I talked bad about someone’s grandma things seem so… grim.

But this grim image is only seen when looking in the emotional mirror. My feelings do not define my situation or my person. Even good feelings don’t. You have to find fundamental truths to hold on to. An anchor when the northeastern of doubt howl about your fragile ego (hey it only looks big from the outside).

These are my truths.

My songs are very good… wait, great. My songs are fucking great. My weakest song is better then most the crap you hear on the radio. As to songwriters in Second life, I feel secure in saying I’m at least the second best songwriter on the grid. Yeah, others can write songs (I’ve heard a good number), but most suck rancid moose balls, and a scant few are competent, but have no emotional content.

POL Arida, is the best, so says I. However, I don’t think myself overstepping my place by saying at times I feel I’m about a half step behind him.

My show is getting better all the time. Yeah I have bad days, but I remember a time I was hard pressed to fill and hour. Now as the hour closes I still have a hand full of aces to play. The technical side of performance is evolving quite nicely as well.

I should be a lot more popular then I am. The reason I’m not as popular as I should be is just a matter of time. I’ll figure it out. While some suggest that concert attendance in Second Life is a crapshoot, I feel you can load the dice. Do you think Maximillion Kleen has played to an audience of five lately?

Those are my truths. Those are the reasons I don’t pack it up and give up on the really bad days. I might feel like I’ve been stepped on, crapped on, and pulled through a knothole, but my feelings don’t drive the Zorch wagon.

Some say I’m egotistical, and arrogant. But it’s nothing so sinister. I just have great faith in my truths. I’ll figure this out.